What is Trauma?
The word trauma can seem intimidating, and our first response can be to minimize or invalidate our own experiences. “What I went through wasn’t so bad”, “other people have had it so much worse”, “I turned out fine”, “this shouldn’t bother me”, “I should be over it by now” might be some thoughts we have when we minimize our experiences. Even more challenging is when others have told us these things and we begin to repeat the message to ourselves.
In the words of Gabor Maté MD, “trauma is not what happens to you, it is what happens inside you”. This quote brings to our attention the idea that if we experience a painful event (physically, emotionally, psychologically), that alone does not determine if we become traumatized by that painful event; what causes an event to become traumatic is if we are alone with the pain.
While it is absolutely important for us to identify that there are specific diagnostic criteria that determine whether or not someone can be diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, there is a wide variety of experiences that do not fall neatly into the diagnostic criteria that can still be experienced as traumatic by an individual (humiliation, discrimination, neglect, abandonment, prolonged stress, etc.). This is what brings us back to the idea behind Dr. Maté’s quote: if we are alone with painful experiences, it is likely our emotional, cognitive, and behavioral patterns will be impacted, and we will react from a place of pain and defensiveness.
Living in the age of technology, we would be hard pressed to find someone who has not heard of the “fight or flight” responses to trauma. What is lesser known by a wide audience is the Structural Dissociation model, which identifies 5 trauma responses we can experience: fight, flight, freeze, submit, and attach. A quick Google search will show us the number of trauma responses is somewhat disputed, but there is agreement in the way the responses are manifested in thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. If these patterns (established in trauma) go on for long enough, we come to believe it is our “normal”, and that we are destined to live life in this manner despite the suffering we experience as a result.
Luckily for us, we are not destined to suffer. Our brains, nervous systems, and bodies are so incredibly resilient that disrupting the pattern of trauma responses is possible. Once we can acknowledge these patterns, we can begin to make changes and step outside of the cycle. Suddenly we find ourselves better able to tolerate stressors that used to pushed us over the edge. Perhaps if we previously felt a complete lack of energy, our ability to engage in our lives begins to return to us. Instead of having a short fuse and reacting with out-of-proportion anger, we can take a breath and think of a more suitable response.
When starting therapy to work on trauma, you and your therapist may spend some time on psychoeducation on trauma responses to help you understand that you are not broken (my work is centered on Structural Dissociation and Polyvagal theory), but also helping you learn some coping skills to work towards giving yourself an increased sense of being grounded and safe. It is normal when working through trauma in therapy to experience mood fluctuations and continued symptoms. We must remind ourselves that, when we are working through trauma in the context of a safe therapeutic relationship, equipped with coping skills to help ourselves feel more in control, it is a completely different experience than when we experience nightmares or flashbacks. While we work on trauma in therapy, a goal is also to help you trust yourself more, to respect your own limits, and to understand how to recognize when your nervous system needs a break to rest and self-soothe; rest is a key factor in healing from trauma.
This article barely skimmed the surface of what trauma can be; the reality is that it is a complex experience unique to each person. If you found some of this information to be relevant to you, I’d like to invite you to sign up for my newsletter where I provide educational resources (and more) once monthly. Alternatively, if you are ready to take the next step towards healing, contact me for a free 15-minute consultation to see how therapy can be a part of that healing.
